In just a few days, Avengers: Endgame will be released. Everyone has been anticipating for this glorious moment. Marvel fans are actively heightening their senses just to avoid any kind of spoilers they can encounter on the internet.
They disguise themselves as a form of meme on Facebook and Twitter. Friends and loved ones alike share them with the intention of ruining the surprise for everyone.
I, for one, am a victim of such atrocity. Just like your average Filipino, I was scrolling past the thousandth post about earning a Queen’s genitalia when I saw it.
As someone who’s used to seeing scandals in crap-tastic quality shared in social media, my tendency to immediately look at images got the better of me.
That’s why I made this post to specifically help people who experienced the same fate, and share a contingency plan with permanent solutions to lessen the chance of it ever happening to you again.
1. Hide them in Social Media
If you are a forgiving person and don’t mind being spoiled at all but still find it bothersome to see them in your feed, then you should use the “hide” features that Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have.
In Facebook, go to their profile and hover over the “Following” dropdown menu and click “Unfollow Name”. This will allow you to not see their posts in your News Feed.
Twitter users can use a similar feature by going to that person’s Twitter profile, clicking the three vertical dots besides the Follow button, and choosing “Mute @username“. Now you won’t see any of their tweets but still follow them!
For Instagram users, go to their profile, tap the three dots on the upper-right corner and tap “Mute“. You can choose if you want to only mute their posts, stories, or both.
2. Unfriend / Unfollow them on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram
Maybe you’re the type of person who wouldn’t want to be friends with them. In that case, you should unfriend / unfolllow them altogether.
For Facebook, go to their profile page and hover the “Friends” dropdown menu. You’ll find the “Unfriend” option.
In Twitter, the “Unfollow” button is in the profile page of the Twitter user.
Lastly, for Instagram users you can find the “Unfollow” button in their user profile.
3. Spend time with them at their house, have the IP address blacklisted, and burn the router
Want to get in their head that experiencing one of cinema’s successful franchises is something to be taken seriously? Ask them if you can hang out at their house.
Have a chitchat while tinkering their computer and get the IP address blacklisted from all ISPs (it’s an easy Google). Once you’re done, casually leave a burning match at the back of the internet router, just enough to start a smoke and leave.
4. Exploit the fragility of the mind by pinpointing their failure as a human being and emphasize that any contribution they make to society is insignificant
Mental trauma is an effective tool of persuasion when it comes to prioritizing matters as important as knowing whether or not the Avengers will be able to accomplish their mission of bringing back the dead.
It really helps when you know the person really well to the point that any negative upbringing and personal issues they mention relating to their self-worth can be used against them to describe their pathetic personal development that lead to this moment.
5. Invent a time machine, go back in time in order to prevent their parents from ever meeting, ensuring they are never born
Most of us have that one friend who loves being the center of attention. He just can’t get enough of it. So much so that they go through extreme measures just to get noticed by ruining other people’s lives.
This attention-seeking behavior can manifest in the form of sharing Avengers: Endgame spoilers on Facebook, just like what John Del Rosario did. Are you happy now, John? I hope your parents are proud of you.
Avengers: Endgame is out on April 24!
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